


A Study in the Soothing of Magical Hockey Babies, Conducted by Jacob Trouba

by Vidriana



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Crack, Experimental Lullabies, Gen, Snowed In, magical hockey baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vidriana/pseuds/Vidriana
Summary: “What are you doing in here?” Mark asks, stupidly. Then adds, equally dumb, “this is for Jets players only.” It wouldn’t be a dumb question under normal circumstances, but there’s an unexplained screaming baby, so Jacob is kind of judging Mark for his priorities here. “Also, why do you have a baby?” Mark asks finally, restoring some of Jacob’s faith in him.Jacob just wishes the baby would stop fucking crying.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kinetikatrue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinetikatrue/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Study in the Care and Feeding of Magical Hockey Babies During A Major Weather Event, Conducted by Sean Monahan (Sample Size of 1)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3141434) by [kinetikatrue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinetikatrue/pseuds/kinetikatrue). 



> For some reason my brain latched on to the image of Jacob singing not-quite lullabies to the baby to keep hir calm, so I wrote a somewhat in depth version of that for my remix.
> 
> I hope you like it!
> 
> Many thanks, as always, to my wonderful beta.

Having to cancel a game due to a snowstorm is weird, but, well, Winnipeg. Jacob had kind of been expecting this for years to be honest. 

Fucking Winnipeg. 

What he hadn’t expected was to be stuck in the MTS Centre for the duration of the snowstorm, with all of his teammates and the whole entire roster of the Calgary Flames to boot. Still, it could be worse. There could be thousands of screaming fans in the stands to go along with it, but thankfully the snowstorm had gotten bad before the doors had even been opened to the fans.

 _Overall_ , Jacob thinks, as he lies down on one of the couches in the Jets’ players lounge and folds his hands across his chest, _not so bad._

Then Sean Monahan storms in, holding a baby. A crying baby. Well, more like wailing really, like a police siren. It’s incredibly loud.

“What are you doing in here?” Mark asks, stupidly. Then adds, equally dumb, “this is for Jets players only.” It wouldn’t be a dumb question under normal circumstances, but there’s an unexplained screaming baby, so Jacob is kind of judging Mark for his priorities here. “Also, why do you have a baby?” Mark asks finally, restoring some of Jacob’s faith in him.

“I found it lying outside,” Monahan says, cradling the howling baby and rocking it lightly in an attempt to stop the noise. Then his eyes widen. “It’s not my baby!” he defends hastily. “I mean, I’m not the father, I just found it.” 

“No one thought you were the father, Monny,” Jacob reassures, much more calmly than he’s currently feeling. Someone seriously needs to figure out how to shut up the baby, because he’s starting to get a headache. “Jesus, how can you make it stop crying?” he says, rubbing his temples. Monahan starts looking even more panicked.

“I don’t know,” he says, eyes wide. “I know nothing about babies. I don’t— Oh my god, we don’t have food! We’re stuck in a snowstorm with a starving baby, what do we do, what can we—”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, shut up!” Mark yells. The yelling does shut Monahan up, but the baby starts wailing even louder, so Jacob feels like this might have been a bad trade-off. “The baby isn’t starving. We probably have some food here somewhere,” Mark says over the noise. 

Monahan still looks panicked. “What do babies even eat?” he whispers. Jacob isn’t really sure why he’s whispering.

“Uh, milk?” Johnny Gaudreau, who had walked in unseen behind Monahan, chimes in. “Duh.”

Mark is clearly resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Yeah, breast milk. But in case you haven’t noticed, none of us have breasts.” He looks like he’s trying to stop himself from saying something, then apparently loses the battle, because he isn’t actually the mature adult he likes to pretend he is, as Jacob knows, and adds, “Duh,” in a deadpan voice. 

Jacob has to resist the urge to laugh at Gaudreau’s offended face. Monahan goes even paler. “Oh god, where do we get breast milk? Where do you even get breast milk? What should we—” Jacob cuts him off.

“I’m sure there’s other things you can feed a baby,” Jacob says. Then he walks over to a still pale Monahan, who is still holding a screaming baby. “How about you look it up, while I try to calm down the baby,” he says, trying to sound pacifying and competent. Monahan honestly just looks relieved someone’s telling him what to do. He hands over the baby, who has started making sad little — but still somehow very loud — sobbing noises and almost runs out the door. Gaudreau glares at Mark, then shrugs and follows Monahan.

Jacob is left to stare down at the baby in his arms. It’s turning an ugly red colour from all the screaming. Jacob probably shouldn’t call the baby an it, that seems kind of rude. He doesn’t really know what else to call it though. Maybe he should check, but, that also seems kind of rude. It’s not even his baby.

He’s so busy considering this new dilemma he doesn’t even notice that Mark has walked up behind him and is now peering down at the baby over his shoulder. “Do you have any idea how to make it stop crying?” he asks. 

“Dunno, maybe we could sing...the baby a lullaby?” Jacob suggests. Mark’s eyes light up and he grins.

“Yeah! Great idea!” There’s a pause. “Do you know any lullabies?” In fact, Jacob does not.

“Does it have to a be lullaby?” he hedges and Mark looks considering. “I mean, it’s not like they can understand anything yet, right? We can just...sing a song.” 

It seems like a good idea, but for some reason Jacob suddenly can’t remember a single song he’s ever heard. Mark seems like he’s having a similar problem. “I...can’t think of anything,” Jacob says, defeated. The baby chooses this exact moment to reach a new volume level. Jacob would be seriously impressed if it didn’t make his ears hurt so much.

Mark’s starting to look slightly panicked. “Well, just— hey, you like musicals, right? That should work.” It’s true, technically, but Jacob can’t remember any of the musical songs either. His mind is blank. Mark is getting frantic. “Come on! Anything? Anything at all?”

Jacob doesn’t really know what to do, but he has to do something. So when he opens his mouth what comes out is, “ _Summer days, drifting away to, oh, all those summer nights,”_ and then hums the rest of the chorus. Mark looks vaguely scandalized.

“This really isn’t—” he starts, but then he notices that the obnoxious crying noise has actually lessened. Jacob stops singing, or, well, humming, and the wailing starts right back up. 

“I— what should I do?” Jacob asks over the increasing volume of the baby. Mark looks a little frazzled.

“I don’t care just keep singing.”

“But you said—”

“I know, but it’s working,” Mark says and then waves his hands frantically at Jacob again. “Keep going!” 

“I don’t know any more of the words,” Jacob replies helplessly and tries more humming. It’s not working, the baby is now definitely crying again. “I need something with words!” he adds hastily.

Mark looks hysterical. Then he brightens. “Disney! Disney songs should work! Do Disney!” Jacob nods vigorously, then stops. 

“I— I don’t know any—” he starts, but Mark interrupts him.

“ _I can show you the world,”_ he starts and it doesn’t even sound half bad. “ _Shining, shimmering, splendid.”_ Oh, Jacob knows this one.

“ _Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide,”_ they sing together, and Mark sends him a grateful smile. 

Even better, the baby also seems to enjoy the song, because the crying dulls to a low huffing noise, before stopping completely. They don’t stop singing though, they can’t risk it. 

Jacob is gently rocking the baby and singing, “ _I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder,_ ” when Gaudreau walks in. 

“What—,” he starts, but then apparently decides against questioning their brilliant tactic that finally stopped the horrible siren noise. “I’m gonna go get Monny,” he says instead and walks back out.

Jacob and Mark stay behind and keep singing, while the storm presumably rages outside and wait for Monahan to come back and help with the food problem. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I apologize for the song choices, but how many songs would you know the lyrics to under pressure?


End file.
